The Grieving Place in the Media

On July 11, 2023 the story of Michelle's tragedies and organ donation following son Frankie's passing. You can read about it HERE

The National newspaper featured Michelle's story of loss and giving through it on September 24, 2023. While it is in Norwegian, here is the translation,  

 It was obviously a shock. At the time, I didn't know anyone else who had lost a child, and I didn't know if the feelings I felt afterwards were "normal", says Michelle Barbuto (57) to Dagbladet. The year is 2014 and the mother of six is at work. Suddenly, the eldest son Vincent calls repeatedly. “Mom, John has been in an accident. He's not breathing," he says. The then 18-year-old John was suddenly torn away from his family in a motorcycle accident on his way home. Didn't seek help At the time, the family lived in Pennsylvania. She and the five surviving children, who were between twelve and 23 years old at the time, were good at talking a lot about what had happened. But Michelle never sought professional help for herself. - I didn't go to therapy after John's death. I did not want to admit, or say out loud, that John was no longer with us. - When I think back on it now, I know that this only postponed the grieving process. I distanced myself from everything, to avoid feeling the overwhelming grief, she says. Shared openly Instead, she started running. - I ran every day. It helped me vent my anger and disbelief in a "healthy" way. On the days I ran, I at least felt like I was able to get through another day, Michelle explains. In a very vulnerable time, she also shared her innermost, worst thoughts and feelings on Facebook. This led to many contacting her and giving her confirmation that what she felt was natural. Suddenly she was less alone. Still, nothing could prepare her for what awaited six years later. - Was going to propose In July 2020, Michelle receives yet another crushing message over the phone: Vincent, her eldest son aged 29, had been shot and killed in his own home. Again, the Barbuto family was struck by bottomless grief. Their lives came crashing down again. - Vincent had a personality larger than life itself. He had just finished college, had a job he loved, and had planned to propose to his girlfriend on a trip to Italy. The trip was unfortunately canceled due to the corona pandemic, says the 57-year-old. The investigation into the murder is still ongoing, three years later. This time she sought help, but it was to no avail. She and the therapist were no match. Grief on TikTok Then Michelle took drastic action. - I packed our life in boxes, sold the house I had raised the children in since 1998 and moved to West Virginia barely three months after Vincent's death, she says. A while later, Michelle had an idea. She had been on TikTok for a while already, but this day she posted a video where she talked about the loss of her two sons. She received a good response, and at the same time that she now went to therapy to deal with her own grief, she decided to extend a safe hand to others. This was the start of "The Grieving Place". A place where she and other parents suffering a loss of a child could grieve - together. - In the long term, I hope to be able to arrange regular meetings via Zoom, where we can meet, talk openly about grief and support each other "face to face", she says. - Does it help you to help others? - Yes, it is very mentally hygienic for me. If I'm having a hard time, I often ask the community a question, and they always come through with the most loving suggestions, she says. Committed suicide In March this year, the family was struck by tragedy again. Her son Frankie (28) had struggled a lot mentally for a period of twelve years, and the loss of her eldest brother in 2020 made it worse, says Michelle. - Both his dad and I tried hard to get him help to treat the mental disorders and drug addiction, but Frankie couldn't take it anymore. On 14 March this year, he therefore chose to leave this life. Then Michelle shared one of the family's most vulnerable moments on TikTok: Their last goodbye to the 28-year-old. The clip was filmed the night before Frankie was to be disconnected from the ventilator and donate his organs early the next morning. - Know others can relate - Why did you share this? - It was for all those who have been through the same thing. Also for those who struggle mentally, or are close to someone who does. I hope to be able to help raise awareness and help those who feel helpless at the moment. - This was the last video I took of my son. It was the last time I touched him, held his hand, heard his heart and got to give him a kiss. I know there are others who can relate to everything I felt right there and then, she says. The decision to let the 28-year-old go was made when it became clear that his brain was so damaged that he would not wake up again. - Bittersweet feeling Frankie had decided to be an organ donor himself. - The organ donation gave us a bittersweet feeling, for us it was also a reminder that Frankie is no longer here. But it was the right thing to do. We wanted something good to come out of this tragic situation, says the mother. The family has learned that Frankie's organs have helped save five people's lives. One day Michelle hopes to meet them. Maybe one day she'll hear his heart beat again. - When we said goodbye, I put my head against Frankie's chest and listened to his heartbeat. A well of emotions arose. I was taken back to the day he was born, his upbringing, remembering his immense basketball talent, how he was so happy at flight school and looking forward to becoming a pilot. I can't wait to meet the young man who won Frankie's heart, she says. - Don't give advice After going through every parent's worst nightmare, not just once, but three times, Michelle has gained a skill she wishes she was without. She chooses to use it constructively, and comes up with some good advice on how to offer support. - Be there for them. - You don't have to give them advice. Especially if you have not experienced losing a child yourself. Listen, share your best memory of their child, offer dinner, send a card. The most important thing is to know that you are seen and heard - both when it happens, but also in the weeks, months and years after. She still believes the most important message is this: - Grief has no time limit - especially not after losing a child. Yes, some days are easier than others. We can smile when we see a picture of them, but other days the feelings come like lightning out of the blue, take our breath away and put us out of action. - Losing a child cannot be compared to losing a spouse, a parent or a pet. It is not natural to outlive your child. 

You can find the article Here 

 Welcome to episode 11 “Deep Breaths and baby steps” We are spending some time tonight with a very special lady Michelle Barbuto. She is a mother, a RN working with the elderly in her community. She is specialized in trauma yoga and so much more. To say she is an inspiration to me and so many others in life and on her social medial platform is an understatement. You see Michelle is also a mother who has had 3 sons pass away in nine years. Yes, you heard me correctly she has 3 heavenly angels John Michael, Vincent and Frank. I am honored that she is with us today to share their stories. 

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Join our online support on social media where Michelle shares her struggles, strategies and life following the loss of her 3 sons John, Vincent and Frankie.  Each in a tragic way, accident, homicide and suicide, along with Organ Donation and her journey navigating those feelings. 

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