About Me

My 4th born child, John, passed unexpectedly after a motorcycle accident in 2014, just days prior to his high school graduation. Not only did this leave me in a deep state of grief, but I didn't know anyone else who had experienced child-loss to talk to about what I was feeling. I felt so alone. I learned that running would help me to manage the grief, as I ran I would process what happened. I would cry on my run, scream, beg to have my son back. I was angry, sad, and I felt guilty on the moments I laughed or experienced joy. (Because let's face it, how can you be happy and devastated at the same time?!) Sharing my grief journey on Facebook led me to write a chapter in the book "Loss Survive Thrive by Meryl Hershey Beck" This helped to connect me to other grieving parents and to learn that I was not alone. 

Fast forward to 2020 when my oldest child, Vincent. was found shot in his home, he was 29 at the time. This reopened the grieving process for me as I had to learn to navigate it again, but instead of navigating it, I chose not to deal with the emotions of it, immersing myself in various things, including selling the house I had raised the 6 children in and moving to West Virginia within 3 months of his death. I've learned through this that  suppressing the overwhelming emotions of grief is not healthy and should be avoided. I worked with a therapist in WV for almost 2 years, including EMDR which helped me to process my grief. Becoming more active on Social Media helped me to find the group of people who have helped to support me on my journey. 

In March of 2023, my son Frankie, who had been dealing with a diagnosed mental illness and drug addiction, decided to end his life at the age of 28. Yes, this is the 3rd child I have lost. The shock and grief from this was overwhelming, just as I was learning to process the death of Vincent, I have been thrown back into to it. 

We chose to have Frankie's organs donated in the wake of our tragedy, and have learned that 5 people have experienced a second chance at life because of this. I am looking forward to the day that I might meet these recipients. 

Through my losses, I have learned that other grieving people feel stronger when that grief connection is there, that we know that we have someone who can relate to what we have been through. I aim to touch just one person each day, to make this journey just a bit softer.   

Grief is as individual as each loss. The emotions that come from grief come crashing in at times least expected... a random Tuesday, while grocery shopping, or as the wind gently sweeps across your face... you just never know. 

I have found things that have helped me, and I pass this knowledge onto others walking the road of child-loss. 

Managing grief can be attained if you are aware of the emotions you are feeling. The things that helped me most are exercise, journaling, deep breathing, meditating, and yoga. It is through all of this that I returned to get certified in meditation, trauma informed yoga training and mindfulness. Not everyone can relate to everything, but finding that one or two things that work for you, is essential. Staying stuck in your grief is not ideal. Learning how to process your feelings, as overwhelming as they are, will help.